For many of us, we’d love for our churches to be more intergenerational, but we struggle with finding a way forward.
If the solution is not a programme, an activity or a resource, then where do we begin?
Sometimes it feels like the answers are hidden behind locked doors, and we just don’t have the keys to open them. Jessica Stollings has written a great chapter on this in Intergenerate.1 She suggests that there are five tools we need to unlock first to fully make use of our intergenerational opportunities.
I’ve found that when I talk to people about intergenerational ministry, most of the time they assume I’m talking about all-age services.
An intergenerational outlook welcomes and celebrates the smallest and oldest of disciples (and everyone in between), and recognises that the church is stronger when we have opportunities to encounter Jesus together. So if I don’t check we’re on the same page, we may end up having two completely different conversations!
There may be similar misunderstandings and perspectives in churches that fester unchecked. If we want to have multi-vocal leadership, we need to hear people’s stories, perspectives and opinions – and check we understand them properly!
As I hear other people’s stories, it often helps me value the unique strengths that they bring. And all the while, we acknowledge that one generation's way of doing things should not be glorified while others are ignored.
When we value the stories of all ages, we provide a space where they can be heard and understood.
As we make space in our community to hear these different voices, it may require us to respond in some way.
Some of their stories and opinions may trigger a response in you – negative or positive – and you may need to take a step back and consider what filters and experiences may influence the way you respond.
Last year, I read a book called Crucial Conversations,2 which gives you tools to manage difficult conversations and conflict. As someone who wants to avoid conflict at all costs, this was a really tough book to read! One concept they talk about is the “fool's choice” which may rear its head in a difficult situation. Sometimes it may look like there are only two options: your way or my way. This or that.
The fool’s choice says the only solutions are binary, but when you refuse to think this way, you’re challenged to solve the problem with a more creative solution.
An example of this might be some conflict over the song choice for this Sunday.
Hypothetically, if someone has chosen songs that wouldn’t be suitable for children, I have a choice in the way I respond. The fool’s choice would say we’re at a stalemate – I either put up with the chosen songs or I put my foot down and we play the songs I want. But here’s another way I might work through this conflict.
First: I clarify what I want. What I want is for all ages to worship Jesus together, and I want the worship leader to be choosing good songs!
Second: what don’t I want? I don’t want children to be singing songs that aren’t appropriate for them, and I don't want this disagreement with the worship leader to fracture our friendship.
And finally: what could a creative solution be to this complex problem?
Well, one option might be that we collaborate in pulling together a list that may be all-age friendly, so we have a good base to choose from each week.
Over lockdown, my housemate and I had a fun idea to film a stop-motion animation using Lego. When you have a job in children's ministry, it's actually a legitimate work time activity!
We wanted to create a video that families could use as an examen, an evening prayer that helps us reflect on where we have seen God in our day. I had the script writing skills, and my housemate Richard was a tech whizz and sourced some amazing recording equipment.
We were on a roll: two middle-aged friends, standing in front of the kitchen cupboard trying to get a Lego minifigure to climb over our pantry items.
Until we tried to get the minifig to do a particular movement, and it just wasn’t working well. We didn’t know how to solve it, or what extra Lego parts we’d need.
What we actually needed was 12-year-old Nate, the household Lego expert. He came up with multiple ways to solve the problem, as well as all the Lego bricks we needed, running around the house to find them.
As we unlock collaboration in our churches, we make sure that there are a variety of ages on our leadership teams and projects to problem solve.
As a graphic designer, I’m pretty passionate about making sure that we’re communicating well in the church.
The reason I studied graphic design in the first place was because I was tired of the church having the light of the world – and then communicating that hope in pastel shades of paper, clunky messaging, bad photocopying, and Comic Sans.
In a single day, I can communicate with my friends through sending a Snapchat message, commenting on Instagram, messaging through Facebook, delivering a MailChimp newsletter, sending a text, or making a phone call.
Or, even, talking to them face-to-face!
The way we communicate to the different generations may require a variety of channels, and if you want your message to get across, you may need to ask them what works well, and rethink what channels you are using!
Wisdom doesn't just get passed down from the older generations, but the reverse can happen.
When was the last time you learned something from a child?
The other day, I was hanging out with my 14-year-old housemate as her parents were away. We decided to head into town, as she wanted me to try bubble tea for the first time. I had seen it advertised before, but had never tried it.
I am so glad I went with her, because I wouldn’t have had a clue how to order my 50% sweetness, peach iced tea, with mango flavoured popping pearls, no boba – and no ice.
I don’t know what that means either. But it tasted great!
And as we affirm the God-given gifts of our young people in particular, we help them see where they can make a difference in the world.
So, what can you do to unlock intergenerational opportunities in your context?
I recommend that you sit with these three questions. You could think about them personally, or use them with a group of leaders.
Good news: I made a whole video course on this sort of thing with Discipleship Pathway called Intergenerational Communities – check it out.
Be encouraged! Smalls steps are good steps on this intergenerational journey.
1Jessica Stollings, "Unlocking the Power of Intergenerational Leadership" in InterGenerate: Transforming Churches through Intergenerational Ministry, Abilene Christian University Press, 2018.
2Kerry Patterson et al., Crucial Conversations: Tools for Talking When Stakes Are High, McGraw Hill, 2002.
Check out other articles in the
series below.
More articles in the
series are to come.
We have invited these writers to share their experiences, ideas and opinions in the hope that these will provoke thought, challenge you to go deeper and inspire you to put your faith into action. These articles should not be taken as the official view of the Nelson Diocese on any particular matter.
For many of us, we’d love for our churches to be more intergenerational, but we struggle with finding a way forward.
If the solution is not a programme, an activity or a resource, then where do we begin?
Sometimes it feels like the answers are hidden behind locked doors, and we just don’t have the keys to open them. Jessica Stollings has written a great chapter on this in Intergenerate.1 She suggests that there are five tools we need to unlock first to fully make use of our intergenerational opportunities.
I’ve found that when I talk to people about intergenerational ministry, most of the time they assume I’m talking about all-age services.
An intergenerational outlook welcomes and celebrates the smallest and oldest of disciples (and everyone in between), and recognises that the church is stronger when we have opportunities to encounter Jesus together. So if I don’t check we’re on the same page, we may end up having two completely different conversations!
There may be similar misunderstandings and perspectives in churches that fester unchecked. If we want to have multi-vocal leadership, we need to hear people’s stories, perspectives and opinions – and check we understand them properly!
As I hear other people’s stories, it often helps me value the unique strengths that they bring. And all the while, we acknowledge that one generation's way of doing things should not be glorified while others are ignored.
When we value the stories of all ages, we provide a space where they can be heard and understood.
As we make space in our community to hear these different voices, it may require us to respond in some way.
Some of their stories and opinions may trigger a response in you – negative or positive – and you may need to take a step back and consider what filters and experiences may influence the way you respond.
Last year, I read a book called Crucial Conversations,2 which gives you tools to manage difficult conversations and conflict. As someone who wants to avoid conflict at all costs, this was a really tough book to read! One concept they talk about is the “fool's choice” which may rear its head in a difficult situation. Sometimes it may look like there are only two options: your way or my way. This or that.
The fool’s choice says the only solutions are binary, but when you refuse to think this way, you’re challenged to solve the problem with a more creative solution.
An example of this might be some conflict over the song choice for this Sunday.
Hypothetically, if someone has chosen songs that wouldn’t be suitable for children, I have a choice in the way I respond. The fool’s choice would say we’re at a stalemate – I either put up with the chosen songs or I put my foot down and we play the songs I want. But here’s another way I might work through this conflict.
First: I clarify what I want. What I want is for all ages to worship Jesus together, and I want the worship leader to be choosing good songs!
Second: what don’t I want? I don’t want children to be singing songs that aren’t appropriate for them, and I don't want this disagreement with the worship leader to fracture our friendship.
And finally: what could a creative solution be to this complex problem?
Well, one option might be that we collaborate in pulling together a list that may be all-age friendly, so we have a good base to choose from each week.
Over lockdown, my housemate and I had a fun idea to film a stop-motion animation using Lego. When you have a job in children's ministry, it's actually a legitimate work time activity!
We wanted to create a video that families could use as an examen, an evening prayer that helps us reflect on where we have seen God in our day. I had the script writing skills, and my housemate Richard was a tech whizz and sourced some amazing recording equipment.
We were on a roll: two middle-aged friends, standing in front of the kitchen cupboard trying to get a Lego minifigure to climb over our pantry items.
Until we tried to get the minifig to do a particular movement, and it just wasn’t working well. We didn’t know how to solve it, or what extra Lego parts we’d need.
What we actually needed was 12-year-old Nate, the household Lego expert. He came up with multiple ways to solve the problem, as well as all the Lego bricks we needed, running around the house to find them.
As we unlock collaboration in our churches, we make sure that there are a variety of ages on our leadership teams and projects to problem solve.
As a graphic designer, I’m pretty passionate about making sure that we’re communicating well in the church.
The reason I studied graphic design in the first place was because I was tired of the church having the light of the world – and then communicating that hope in pastel shades of paper, clunky messaging, bad photocopying, and Comic Sans.
In a single day, I can communicate with my friends through sending a Snapchat message, commenting on Instagram, messaging through Facebook, delivering a MailChimp newsletter, sending a text, or making a phone call.
Or, even, talking to them face-to-face!
The way we communicate to the different generations may require a variety of channels, and if you want your message to get across, you may need to ask them what works well, and rethink what channels you are using!
Wisdom doesn't just get passed down from the older generations, but the reverse can happen.
When was the last time you learned something from a child?
The other day, I was hanging out with my 14-year-old housemate as her parents were away. We decided to head into town, as she wanted me to try bubble tea for the first time. I had seen it advertised before, but had never tried it.
I am so glad I went with her, because I wouldn’t have had a clue how to order my 50% sweetness, peach iced tea, with mango flavoured popping pearls, no boba – and no ice.
I don’t know what that means either. But it tasted great!
And as we affirm the God-given gifts of our young people in particular, we help them see where they can make a difference in the world.
So, what can you do to unlock intergenerational opportunities in your context?
I recommend that you sit with these three questions. You could think about them personally, or use them with a group of leaders.
Good news: I made a whole video course on this sort of thing with Discipleship Pathway called Intergenerational Communities – check it out.
Be encouraged! Smalls steps are good steps on this intergenerational journey.
Check out other articles in the
series below.
More articles in the
series are to come.
