Confessions of a pastor's kid

a child grinning as people gather around to pray for his family

PKs – AKA pastors' kids – are children whose parents serve in Christian ministry, whether as pastors, missionaries, church planters, or other ministry leaders. These young people often grow up with a front-row seat to the work of God, witnessing lives transformed, serving alongside their families, and being part of vibrant faith communities. 

Yet ministry life can also bring challenges. PKs (and MKs – missionaries’ kids) may experience high expectations, limited privacy, lots of transitions, and the reality of sharing their parents’ time and attention with the needs of others. Home and ministry worlds often overlap, giving beautiful opportunities for community and connection but also making it difficult to separate family life from church life. 

Amid the blessings and burdens, PKs have a unique voice! I asked ministers from around our diocese to let their kids tell us their perspective.

Hear firsthand from a few of our diocean PKs:

What do most people think your parent does for work? 

Emily (13): Work in a church building

Leon (5): Lead the church. 

Zee (7): They mostly think that he runs the dio and he preaches. 

What does your parent do for work? 

Zee (7): I know that he runs the dio and he preaches.

Emily (13): Plan and preach sermons, rosters, have random people over for meals, and muck around with sound gear.

Leon (5): Plays the piano. 

Trixie (9): He works in an office and he does lots of preaching. He works on a computer and has meetings on the computer. 

Elijah (13): Prepares stuff for Sunday.

What's the best thing about growing up in a ministry family?

Emily (13): Being with your church family often and doing things with lots of people.

Elijah (13): You can look through cool parts of the church.

Hugh (15): Shared lunches after church at my house, and knowing there were lots of people looking out for me. 

Leon (5): Learning about God. 

Zee (7): The best thing about growing up in a ministry family is that you can say hi to everybody in the morning because you know everybody's names, and you can say welcome and stuff.

What's something you love about being a pastor’s kid? 

Trixie (9): Helping with communion.

Leon (5): I like learning about God and hearing mummy play the piano. 

Why do you think your parent decided to work for the church? 

Trixie (9): Because he loves God.

Zee (7): To share God’s love.

Leon (5): Because they want to learn about God. And get other people to learn about God. 

Gabriel (11): Because God called her to do that instead of a doctor.

Do you ever hide in the church building?

Leon (5): Where I can watch something. 

Zee (7): Sometimes when we are playing hide and seek, I hide behind the couch.

Hugh (15): Lots of hide and seek... Especially the cubby hole behind the couch.

Emily (13): I used to hide under the sound desk, in Dad’s office, in the store room and in the prayer room.

Gabriel (11): Once, in Greymouth, I hid inside the organ and it was cool. But then Marge told me to come out because I might break it. 

Elijah (13): It was really dusty.

What’s better: church potluck dessert or potluck main course – and what’s your favourite dish?

Emily (13): Too hard!! All of it!!

Hugh (15): Shared pudding is always better.

Leon (5): Potluck main course. Because a potluck dessert is like sweet stuff. And sweet stuff isn't good for you. I like soup. Pumpkin soup.

Trixie (9): Potluck main dish. Sausages.

Zee (7): My favorite dish is the Domino’s Pizza.

How is church different when your parent is the pastor?

Emily (13): It just feels normal because I’ve always been one.

Hugh (15): I feel like I have had the same upbringing as if my dad wasn't the pastor. I did use “my dad's the boss of yours” to flex with my mate who said “well my dad’s in the band”.

What is something people may not realise about a pastor’s family?

Hugh (15): We don’t always talk about God things.

Emily (13): Dad is hardly ever home. He’s usually sitting in a cafe! 

Leon (5): That you’re wearing good church clothes.

Gabriel (11): That we are chill.

Trixie (9): We are cuckoo banana pants.

What's one lesson you've learned from watching your parent lead a church?

Hugh (15): I have learned to find a job that you enjoy... My dad loves his job.

Elijah (13): I have learned to put yourself out there and don’t be afraid.

Any other comments or something you want us to know?

Emily (13): Kids who are not MKs (missionaries’ kids) as well as PKs have it easier!

‍

As church whānau, we have a wonderful opportunity to encourage and strengthen our ministry families. We can support young people by offering genuine friendship and celebrating them not for what they do or who their parents are, but for who they are as beloved children of God. It’s so important to offer discipleship as you would with any young person, and respect their family time and boundaries.

We can also faithfully pray that ministry children would know Jesus and find their identity in him for themselves, and for love and unity in their family and in their church.

When ministry families feel seen and valued, they’re better able to thrive, and the whole church is enriched by their presence and contribution. 

We are so grateful for our ministry families across the diocese and for their children. Thank you for who you are, for living out what it means to be a family on mission, and for sharing your lives with us!

‍

Check out other articles in the

series below.

More articles in the

series are to come.

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We have invited these writers to share their experiences, ideas and opinions in the hope that these will provoke thought, challenge you to go deeper and inspire you to put your faith into action. These articles should not be taken as the official view of the Nelson Diocese on any particular matter.

Confessions of a pastor's kid

Amanda Poil

Children and Families

Amanda comes from Canada with a passion for mission and children’s ministry. Alongside her diocesan role, she is a community engagement worker for Atawhai.

Confessions of a pastor's kid

Amanda Poil

Children and Families

Amanda comes from Canada with a passion for mission and children’s ministry. Alongside her diocesan role, she is a community engagement worker for Atawhai.

Confessions of a pastor's kid

a child grinning as people gather around to pray for his family

PKs – AKA pastors' kids – are children whose parents serve in Christian ministry, whether as pastors, missionaries, church planters, or other ministry leaders. These young people often grow up with a front-row seat to the work of God, witnessing lives transformed, serving alongside their families, and being part of vibrant faith communities. 

Yet ministry life can also bring challenges. PKs (and MKs – missionaries’ kids) may experience high expectations, limited privacy, lots of transitions, and the reality of sharing their parents’ time and attention with the needs of others. Home and ministry worlds often overlap, giving beautiful opportunities for community and connection but also making it difficult to separate family life from church life. 

Amid the blessings and burdens, PKs have a unique voice! I asked ministers from around our diocese to let their kids tell us their perspective.

Hear firsthand from a few of our diocean PKs:

What do most people think your parent does for work? 

Emily (13): Work in a church building

Leon (5): Lead the church. 

Zee (7): They mostly think that he runs the dio and he preaches. 

What does your parent do for work? 

Zee (7): I know that he runs the dio and he preaches.

Emily (13): Plan and preach sermons, rosters, have random people over for meals, and muck around with sound gear.

Leon (5): Plays the piano. 

Trixie (9): He works in an office and he does lots of preaching. He works on a computer and has meetings on the computer. 

Elijah (13): Prepares stuff for Sunday.

What's the best thing about growing up in a ministry family?

Emily (13): Being with your church family often and doing things with lots of people.

Elijah (13): You can look through cool parts of the church.

Hugh (15): Shared lunches after church at my house, and knowing there were lots of people looking out for me. 

Leon (5): Learning about God. 

Zee (7): The best thing about growing up in a ministry family is that you can say hi to everybody in the morning because you know everybody's names, and you can say welcome and stuff.

What's something you love about being a pastor’s kid? 

Trixie (9): Helping with communion.

Leon (5): I like learning about God and hearing mummy play the piano. 

Why do you think your parent decided to work for the church? 

Trixie (9): Because he loves God.

Zee (7): To share God’s love.

Leon (5): Because they want to learn about God. And get other people to learn about God. 

Gabriel (11): Because God called her to do that instead of a doctor.

Do you ever hide in the church building?

Leon (5): Where I can watch something. 

Zee (7): Sometimes when we are playing hide and seek, I hide behind the couch.

Hugh (15): Lots of hide and seek... Especially the cubby hole behind the couch.

Emily (13): I used to hide under the sound desk, in Dad’s office, in the store room and in the prayer room.

Gabriel (11): Once, in Greymouth, I hid inside the organ and it was cool. But then Marge told me to come out because I might break it. 

Elijah (13): It was really dusty.

What’s better: church potluck dessert or potluck main course – and what’s your favourite dish?

Emily (13): Too hard!! All of it!!

Hugh (15): Shared pudding is always better.

Leon (5): Potluck main course. Because a potluck dessert is like sweet stuff. And sweet stuff isn't good for you. I like soup. Pumpkin soup.

Trixie (9): Potluck main dish. Sausages.

Zee (7): My favorite dish is the Domino’s Pizza.

How is church different when your parent is the pastor?

Emily (13): It just feels normal because I’ve always been one.

Hugh (15): I feel like I have had the same upbringing as if my dad wasn't the pastor. I did use “my dad's the boss of yours” to flex with my mate who said “well my dad’s in the band”.

What is something people may not realise about a pastor’s family?

Hugh (15): We don’t always talk about God things.

Emily (13): Dad is hardly ever home. He’s usually sitting in a cafe! 

Leon (5): That you’re wearing good church clothes.

Gabriel (11): That we are chill.

Trixie (9): We are cuckoo banana pants.

What's one lesson you've learned from watching your parent lead a church?

Hugh (15): I have learned to find a job that you enjoy... My dad loves his job.

Elijah (13): I have learned to put yourself out there and don’t be afraid.

Any other comments or something you want us to know?

Emily (13): Kids who are not MKs (missionaries’ kids) as well as PKs have it easier!

‍

As church whānau, we have a wonderful opportunity to encourage and strengthen our ministry families. We can support young people by offering genuine friendship and celebrating them not for what they do or who their parents are, but for who they are as beloved children of God. It’s so important to offer discipleship as you would with any young person, and respect their family time and boundaries.

We can also faithfully pray that ministry children would know Jesus and find their identity in him for themselves, and for love and unity in their family and in their church.

When ministry families feel seen and valued, they’re better able to thrive, and the whole church is enriched by their presence and contribution. 

We are so grateful for our ministry families across the diocese and for their children. Thank you for who you are, for living out what it means to be a family on mission, and for sharing your lives with us!

‍

Check out other articles in the

series below.

More articles in the

series are to come.